Wow! I haven't updated in a million years. Maybe the intermission will be shorter next time.

Let's see. What's happened in the last sixteen weeks?

Well, I kissed a boy, and I liked it --a lot --but it's since created a considerable lot of mess (mostly internal) that I've been pointedly ignoring in my effort to regress to the emotional maturity of a seventh-grader. More on that if anything ever happens. I haven't seen him in about two and a half weeks and likely won't again except by happenstance/catastrophic coincidence. What troubles me the most? I never expected the residual drama to come back and bite me in the ass after four months apart. But it did. Quite unexpectedly. You'd think that going halfway round the world would put some distance between me and my past. Guess not!

He is delicious, though. FUCK.

What else happened? I went to Australia. I saw some kangaroos. I spent a weekend alone in Sydney. I kissed a boy (different boy), but I didn't like it particularly because he turned out to be a spastic virgin. Actually, I kissed a lot of boys this summer, not all of them in Australia. Most of them were in the U.S. And I wasn't even drunk all those times. Clearly, none of those kisses got me anywhere.

My cousin got married in June... and her husband is a fox.

I got a wisdom tooth removed in August.

I moved into my apartment and have since battled a number of monstrous insects.

I spent most of my savings and am now reliant on my dad's goodwill to pay for food and gas.

I reconnected with some old friends who have taken spectacularly good care of me, considering I am an emotional hurricane most of the time. And very vain.

Lately, I've been working my ass off. I'm taking sixteen hours this semester, and one of the classes is a service-learning course that requires 30 hours of community service for credit. It's called "Communication and Community Activism." It's awesome. I love my teacher. I love our readings, even if they are quite dense. And I love that I get to volunteer for Planned Parenthood and get credit for it, to say nothing of a free PPNC tee shirt. I will be working phone-banks to promote comprehensive health care reform. Also hanging out with some freaking awesome women while I do it. Could my situation be more ideal?

Finally, I have started to consider a few money-making options. One takes a minute or two to explain. A few weeks ago, a professional photographer approached me in the pit and asked me to model for him. He's doing a year-long art project where he practices photography every day, and he was looking for average, everyday people willing to have their photo taken. Since I am, as I said before, quite vain, I agreed. The results were pretty impressive, considering. Here's the photo he posted on his project's blog: link. I'm shooting again with him tonight, and while he hasn't paid me for my work (I don't expect him to), I have been wondering if --given a little practice and some consultation with model friends of mine --I should join Model Mayhem and try to get some work on the side. That would be a good way to earn a couple bucks. I could, to a certain extent, set my own hours, and I wouldn't have to deal with cranky spoiled consumers the way you do in restaurant or retail. But it would require networking, assuming I even have what it takes. (Cue Tyra!voice: You wanna be on top? Na na na na na na...)

The other option I have considered, which should surprise no one at all, is selling sex toys as a Pure Romance consultant. This would require considerable overhead, an irksome restriction since I currently have no money, as well as training. However, once I get it up and running, I could make some serious dough, and --again --I would be able to do so by setting my own hours. Plus it's the kind of thing where I can stay active and work with it even while I'm doing other things (like an internship) or moving on to law school or whatever. If it turned out well, I think it would be a good investment. We'll see.

Or I could just work at Kohl's. Also an option.


Anyway. Still treasurer for PD. Still silly. Still skinny. I actually lost ten pounds this summer, if you can imagine. THAT was scary. I am trying to gain it back, but with all the walking I do now, and the minimal allowance for groceries, I don't see that happening anytime soon. At least I haven't gotten amenorrhea again. I'm listening to a lot of Britney Spears, on an utterly unrelated note. I don't know why.

I spend a lot of time in coffee shops.

I kind of want to learn to read tarot.


Umm... I guess that's it for now. Like I said, if anything interesting happens, I may update at a later date. I'm interested in documenting my experiences with Planned Parenthood, since I think it's a groovy organization with lots of awesome work to do. I may also need to vent about Complicated Boy, if I see him again. Which, let's face it, will probably happen at some point. This town ain't big enough for the both of us.

Lost was good. Now I'm watching too much Sex and the City. As much as I adore the women, I think it's absurd to imagine anyone having that many boyfriends who are all good-looking, reasonably wealthy and intelligent, and good in bed. I'm lucky if my dates have any social skills or emotional intelligence to speak of, without which they are certainly never getting into my bed. But then, they're all twenty-somethings. That says a lot.

In brighter news, I've been preparing to build a nest in my new apartment next fall. For under two-hundred dollars, I got all the culinary accoutrements I could ever hope to use. At Target, there was a deal: twenty dollars for a tray holding two kinds of serving spoons, two spatulas, a whisk, a cheese grater, a brush, two kinds of turners, and just like... a million other things. I can't even remember now. I got these beautiful plates at World Market, which had been marked down twice, so that it was something like 75 cents apiece. The total was around eighteen dollars for eight dinner plates, eight salad plates, and six bowls. I need flatware, still. No use in having pretty plates if you can't actually eat off of them.

Also got 10 pairs of undies from VS yesterday for 26 bucks. Semi-annual sale. Take advantage!

Uggghhhh, meanwhile, I have the cramps from hell. WTF ow.

Anticipating the trip to Australia immensely. Can't wait to see a roo.

La la la.... I guess that's it. My life becomes immeasurably uninteresting during the summer. Except C is having a party tonight. That should be fun.


P.S. I learned this hilarious joke yesterday: How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You pokerface!

I promise I'm working on my "five things."

( namaste )

Okay. Back to work. It never ends!

( spoiler )

God, I was waiting for that forever.

And I had a little chokey moment....

I mean, yeah, plenty of other stuff went on, but that was the most important part.

( ETA... )

I went to see "He's Just Not That Into You" with some of the PD ladies yesterday (btw, I intend to offer updates on the budget situation in a later post; I haven't forgotten). First of all, yeah, it's a cheesy chick flick. But it makes clear, relevant points that I think a lot of women in the hetero dating scene --whether resentful people want to argue about generalizations or not --fail to understand. I will say, however, that many of the points in HJNTIY also apply to relations to men by women. I think I will make a little list of my own, because here are some things that have been bothering me, especially as I navigate the college dating scene. College boys could benefit from this a lot.

Boys, she's just not that into you, if...

1) She puts her bag between you and scoots away as you attempt to cozy up to her.
2) She doesn't call when you ask her to.
3) She ignores your calls, or won't return your texts, or returns your emails with terse one-liners.
4) She doesn't ask you out, even if you flirt with her.
5) She doesn't flirt back.
6) She doesn't laugh at your jokes.
7) She crosses her arms and turns away from you.
8) She won't sleep with you. Duh.
9) She doesn't kiss you back.
10) She does not have fun on your dates, and she makes a point of saying so.
11) She leaves early on dates.
12) She talks on the phone while you're around, or keeps checking her watch, or --greatest insult of all --flirts with someone else in front of you. Not exactly nice things to do, but they are effective in giving pesky guys "I'm not that into you" vibes.
13) She doesn't even show up for dates.
14) She talks about how attractive other people are.
15) She says "you're a nice guy, but..."


P.S. I realize that this list is a little heteronormative. But. Gay signals and straight signals are completely different. Although I'm trying to get into the ladies' scene, I don't have nearly as much experience with girls as I do with guys. Maybe if I actually start dating chicks, although I don't even know where to begin on that front, I will figure out the signifiers in that case. But for now, I know how I act when I'm not into a guy, and I know that a lot of the time, I wish guys would take a freaking hint.

Okay, enough complaining. I really do have to get some work done.

I have one now. Tweet!

The account is secured, because within three hours of making it, I had all kinds of weird followers latching onto me from places like Venezuela. I would like to know why someone who's never met me who lives in another country would like to follow me when nothing on his page indicates that he speaks English. Strange.

Anywho. Thought I'd let you know.

I also emailed the FF.net support staff today to find out about removing my account altogether. I don't even care that I will lose a lot of writing if I do that. Most of it is godawful writing, and it's not writing that will take me anywhere, and I would rather not have a FF.net account linked to my name on the Interwebs in the event that a future employer starts rifling through my stuffs and sees my kinky slash. So, that's that. They still haven't gotten back to me. I would be surprised if they did, quite frankly. I just don't want to go through the hassle of removing everything myself.

In other fun news, I spent an hour wandering in the stacks in the humongous research library on campus. I picked up a couple books on satire and two books on the Bush White House. How do these things relate? Why, because I --lucky lady --am doing a research project on Stephen Colbert's address to the 2006 White House Press Correspondents' Association Dinner. I am tres excited, to say the least. Any excuse to obsess about Stephen Colbert makes me a happy woman. (And I get to do it nerdily! academically! oh, rapture!!!!)

I had noisy shoes on, so I took them off and padded around the bookshelves in my sock feet. Very quietly. It was kind of dreamy and romantic.

Laaa.... going to a party tonight, in the GAYborhood. I think? Anyway, there will be many people there of diverse sexual orientations. I like this. Hopefully the gay boys will not grope me, the way the randy twentysomethings do, and I can get wasted in peace (since I'm not driving, like I was last weekend). This is generally how my internal conversations go with the pushy twentysomethings: "I know I'm young and innocent, but Jesus, I'm not stupid. No, I will not have a sip of your drink! Who do you think you are?" Outwardly, I smile and chirp: "No thanks! I've had enough!"

Anyway. Maybe B will make Skittles Vodka. Liek Lol.

I know it's been a million years since I posted for real, and I don't do so well about keeping up with my social endeavors. ILFO went well. Incriminating facebook pictures are sure to appear in the near future. Marshall Miller is fi-ine! but ultimately too tall --and too old! --for me (and very taken, duh). I may only think so because I'm horny. In other news, I went to a teach-in on Gaza last night. The place was packed, for the record, but that's not important. It was fairly illuminating. The content was a bit one-sided, but at least they were telling the Palestinians' side, unlike the mainstream news. I can't even watch CNN anymore. P.S. Why did they spend an entire day harping on about the plane in the Hudson? Almost everyone was fine. The plane was damaged, but didn't explode or anything. It was a curious piece. But does it require that many hours of coverage? Good Lord.

Moving on!

I am enjoying my WMST class very much this semester. It covers feminism and political theory. Alas, the one assignment that I have this weekend is to write a two-page paper on "What My View is on Feminism" and how I got to it, what I want to learn in the class, etc, etc. Methinks this will take me way, way more than two pages. I am struggling to be concise. My other classes are okay. My COMM classes make me question the wisdom of choosing it as a major. I also have a POLI class, which is huge. At least a girl from PD is in it. I think I'll sit with her.

On a more interesting note, I'm in a RELI class on South-Asian belief systems. That covers Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism (esp Theravada), Sikhism, and possibly Shintoism. I'm not sure. In any case, it's all introductory. I find it kind of funny that I have the same TA for that class that I did for my class with Carl Ernst, three semesters ago. Speaking of Carl Ernst, he's made a bit of a stir by accepting an academic award from I'm-A-Dinner-Jacket. I don't have much of an opinion on the matter. I see it as a harmless way of reaching out to a country through peaceful means whom we otherwise have treated very hostilely. In a sense, I approve. But I more find it a bemusing conversation piece than anything. To be honest, I hated that guy's class.

Okay. So, yeah, that's the news. Not much else. I should go get some work done or clean my room or find some other way to occupy myself until happy time. Peace!

Okay, wut. Totally addicted to StumbleUpon. It has found many awesome things for me, but the best thing it's found so far was not on my account but that of a friend of mine. Here: Skittles Vodka.

As Captain Falcon would say, "Yes!"

And now that I've flaunted my inner nerd, I'm going to go finish my homework. I have a lot. Classes have been okay so far. P is in one of my classes, interestingly. I also have for my Asian Religions class a TA that I had three semesters ago... for a class on Islam with Carl Ernst. What a coincidence. I was almost afraid that my erstwhile stalker was in the class, too, but thank God, he was not. It was just some kid who looked a lot like him. >_>

*sigh* The neighbors are having loud sex again. I used to be jealous. Now I'm just irritated. I cannot wait to get into my apartment.


OH! The second coming of ILFO is tomorrow. Speaking of sex. Hurray for the clitoris! I think there should be a song about it, don't you?

"Have you any notion how many books are written about women in the course of one year? Have you any notion how many are written by men?" -V. Woolf

Forgive my inner feminazi for rearing her head, but I've been in a bit of a funk ever since a friend told me about this book, Women, Fire and Dangerous Things. ( Are women dangerous? )



P.S. A tiny disclaimer: I realize that the situation is different/more complicated for trans-persons and individuals who identify as LGBTQ. I know I'm speaking to the gender binary, as well. The entry would have become monstrously long, however, had I attempted to address my issues on those fronts. I didn't want to bore anyone.

P.P.S. I wonder if anyone's combined the fields of linguistics and feminism? I don't know how the hell you would get a job with something like that, unless maybe you were writing books. Still... it would make for a few interesting studies.

(Scene: Kate, Murphy and I are sitting in a coffee-shop. I look out the window at a youngish pit bull that's playing with an old tire in the parking lot. To be completely honest, the animal looks like a doofus.)
Me: I hate dogs. They're so... stupid.
Kate: Yeah, but they're adorable. And they're loyal. Unlike men.
Me: Who are just stupid.


I went to see the Benjamin Button movie. Oh, my goodness. It is so inexpressibly beautiful. For one thing, there's the aesthetic assault: the rich patchwork of texture and color, the scenery, the make-up and the actors themselves. Cate is absolutely stunning. Brad is, too (well, duh). The story is what really captures you, though. I mean, I wanted to see the film simply because it seemed like an interesting sort of premise. It really turned into an exploration of "the human condition," words which I hate but accurately express an idea that's otherwise impossible to capture in concise terms. The film offers many life-lessons. I suppose you could say its ultimate moral is "Carpe Diem," a theme that I usually abhor for its endless repetition, but which here is presented in a fresh and palatable way. I recommend the movie, even though it is super-long. It's 100% worth it.

I'm doing much better than I was before, for the record. A bunch of high school buddies came over on Saturday night and we got pretty happy on some Firefly Vodka. Then we played capture the flag in the dark and watched YouTube videos.

I've been flirting with this one kid on fbook. He seems nice enough. He's obviously playing the field, and he's not ashamed of it, since he doesn't bother to hide his flirtation with other girls. For that reason, I think he's a little bit full of shit, but whatever. I don't really have any other prospects at the moment, and since my heart is not invested in this one, I'm not likely to get it broken if I dally with him.

I think my problem up until now has been that I don't like to expend my energy on shallow attachments, by which I mean: relationships that do nothing to help either person. I never saw the point. I barely understood how that was possible, how people could feel indifferent to one another even as they expressed mutual interest. It seems so heartless. But I guess this is the way of the world. What a depressing discovery to make. I hope it won't always be this way.

Ugh. Life is a farce.

Anyway. I'm just gonna go find more productive things to do.

This is finals week. I have A's for the final grades in most of my classes, which I consider something of a miracle, given the emotional roller coaster I've been on this semester. Next semester will be better. I am certain.

I will finish my English exam on Thursday, and I expect to do well, since it's English --and open-book/open-note, to boot. Due to my dearth of studying, or rather, the fact that I did most of it last week (for exams that took place on Friday and Saturday), I have had nothing to do this week. I mean, nothing all that interesting. My computer crashed on Monday, which gave me a reason to take it to the ITS folks yesterday and make a new facebook friend of the IT boy who helped me. I finally got my Christmas gift from E's place yesterday, although I haven't found opportunity to use it yet. I... played Smash with R and made nice with his friend's puppy. Generally, I did nothing of import. Oh, I did see Synecdoche New York on Monday night. It was odd.

So now I really, really don't know what to do. I even went grocery shopping already. I am at a complete loss. Maybe I'll just find a nice book and sit in the library all day long. Or I could work on my bookmark for PD. We're creating bookmarks as a form of resource about various women's-safety issues, like stalking, acquaintance rape (that's me), interpersonal violence and the like. I decided I would work on mine over break, although now seems like as good a time as any. As to what I can do the rest of the time, I don't even feel like I can call people to hang out because they're probably all studying. It's pretty depressing. Sigh.

I stole this from erinya

Put your music player on shuffle, and write down the first line of the first twenty songs. Post the poem that results. The first line of the twenty-first song is the title.

I can dream up schemes when I'm sitting in my seat

Breathe, breathe in the air.
You and me could never hide.
Mary says slow down, ease off the gas.
He was a friend of mine.

5am
Heaven bent to take my hand.
Now I will tell you what I've done for you:
left a good job in the city.

Shot down I stood.

I think we should jump on the piano.
Kiss me too fiercely.
All hands on deck.
Life is turned upside-down.

We climbed through the canopy.
I lay me down like a truth amongst the dares --
well-painted passion;
well, things can be broken down.

I only want to say
(I stood there in the shadows)
"All that we needed was right."



What I love is that it almost, if you squint, resembles an actual poem. Maybe a shitty poem. But a poem nonetheless. I don't even remember all of the songs I had. I bet you could figure most of them out if you tried. Some of them are from really obscure artists. But yeah. That's all I have to say about that.

Meanwhile, I've been burdened with social obligations to which I have no immediate desire to attend. I have way too much going on right now. Maybe later this week.


P.S. HOLY CRAP, one exciting thing. I found a study abroad program in Melbourne, the credit for which actually counts at UNC. The best thing? At least one track that they offer features a six-day camping trip in the bush. Including a stop at Uluru. I, of course, am dying to go. I think I'll at least apply and see how things unfold.

I saw Twilight. It entertained me, to be sure, apart from the fact that 1)they beat us over the head with the angsty, teenage sexual tension --and the abstinence-only propaganda --and 2)the plot didn't start until forty minutes in. Parts of it were pretty hot. Mostly, the dynamics of Edward's and Bella's relationship were as creepy and inappropriate as I'd suspected.

( spoilers )

Blaaaah. I'm so non-energetic that I think I'll go lie around and read awhile. Or see what's on the tube. I have one day left of freedom before the nose goes back to the grindstone. Might as well make it as lazy as possible. And try to avoid family drama. Speaking of personal space, I really need to get out of here.

I'm going to NYC during the Christmas break! Seriously, I have not been this happy for a long time. There are tentative plans in place to attend South Pacific at Lincoln Center (where I sang once with my high school chorus, as it happens). In addition, we will go to a Christmas concert at Riverside church (where I also have sung, twice). And I hope shopping will be involved. I don't think it will be a long trip. But it promises to be a good one. I think my parents decided to do it particularly for me, since it would cheer me up after this semester; on top of that, they went to NYC for their anniversary this summer, without us brats, and I was insanely jealous. So, this is my chance to go. I'm pleased, needless to say. I can't wait to see everything all lit up, to say nothing of the city itself. It's been awhile since I went. I'm gonna be so happy to return. <3

Otherwise, life is reasonable. Tonight, I attended a self-defense workshop cosponsored by Dinah and a mixed martial arts organization that operates on campus and in the town at large. I learned some grappling, moves involving the knees and elbows, and assertiveness techniques. I also learned little tricks to protect yourself while walking alone: for instance, it is a good idea to carry a sturdy umbrella when applicable, because you can whack people with it; travel-size hairspray (straight to the eyes) trumps mace for effectiveness and ease of use; and holding your keys all ninja-ish is ridiculous and can hurt your hand if you try to punch someone. The one that really got me was the hairspray. I lost my mace a little while ago, to my chagrin. But I can see how a tiny hairspray could be very useful, convenient, and inexpensive. I'm willing to start carrying it.

Alas, not as many people came to the workshop as we would have liked, but oh, well. It was still informative for those who did come. Hopefully more people will show up when we hold it again in the spring.

But yeah. Christmas in New York! I'm completely stoked. Now, if only this semester would end...

Not much new. Dinah's benefit concert went off well last Wednesday. Mary Johnson Rockers was incredible. Lafcadio was okay. I didn't stick around for Harmute, because I'm not a huge fan of them. Also it was late, and I had an eight a.m. the next day. Bought some fries at Cluck-U at about eleven-thirty that night and ended up sharing them with a homeless woman. That was interesting. The concert, for the record, raised about four-hundred bucks. Yay!

Homework load is reasonable, for now. I have an essay due in French on Wednesday but no idea what I'm going to write about. Must study for my English midterm, too, a task made all the more difficult by the fact that I have not read half of the material assigned. Most of the books have proven quite dull. I am, however, enthralled in Dorian Grey. I have to say, that book is pretty flaming; but that would never be a bad thing, to my mind. I enjoy it, in fact... the book itself --not just the flaming bits.

Still no romantic prospects. That's not to say that I don't get attention, only that it seems exclusively to come from desperate horn dogs and/or insecure boys who feel they must "fool" me into liking them. You know the type, the pick-up artist kind (yes, that is a reference to the godawful TV show) who feel they must impress you --as if they on their own were not enough to impress you. Here's a clue: if they think that, they probably aren't. That's why their antics won't change my opinion. I just want to know where all the real men are hiding.

I also gained five pounds, mysteriously, since the last time I posted and am not feeling good about myself as a result. I know it's ridiculous and damaging to think that way, but I can't help it. Old habits. Incidentally, R. and I are going to make cheesecake tonight. I don't feel as guilty about it as I do relieved, but that's only because it gives me an opportunity not to be alone. It's nice to have someone to talk to, at least. And I know hanging around with a man who (mostly) likes men is not going to help me get hooked up, but at least he's genuine. He's probably my best friend at UNC right now.

La la la.... Quantum of Solace kind of blows, by the way. It seemed to me that there were significantly fewer AWESOME cars than in the last film, which irritated me. Also, I balked at the random pussy shot in the middle of the rape scene towards the end. What the shit? Why were they trying to titillate me whilst simultaneously portraying an unforgivable act of violence? Someone please smack the insensitive assholes who make the Bond movies. If no one else does, I'm gonna have to.

As for Twilight, it freaks me the fuck out. For serious, is it about a vampire stalker? What is there at all attractive or romantic in the idea of a possessive, overprotective, creepy boyfriend? Please don't tell me we're reinforcing this dangerous (and medieval) ideal in the minds of fourteen-year-old girls. I hope my cousin's stepdaughter is not reading these books. Or seeing the movie. But that might be an empty hope. I worry about her often, I have to say. Growing up female in this culture is not the most empowering experience, as I can attest. It bites. So to speak.


Hookay. Enough whining. Time to go do homework!


ETA: Okay, just so this isn't completely depressing, here's the tee shirt I'm getting for Christmas. It makes me giggle like an idiot.

I have to say, I'm tired of the election. I know it makes me a bad citizen to shut my ears and look away. Whatever. It's all one ever hears about on CNN, in the paper, on the radio, from one's professors, from one's suitemates, from friends, from people on campus carrying clipboards, from random strangers that come and knock on one's door and tell one to go vote (wtf? this is my room, my lair, my haven! leave me the fuck alone!). If I didn't see the election everywhere, my life would be vastly pleasanter. I will admit that Ms. Palin kind of cracks me up, being so ridiculous, but other than that, I'm quite tired of it all.

I have other things to think about. I've voted. I kept up with it for the last year. Haven't I been good?

In the social arena, my vague Halloween plans are coming into focus a day before the festivities begin, which for me is typical. In this alone do I procrastinate, and only because --as with the election --I have many other things to think about. To be fair, I had it in my head for awhile to participate in the Dinah fashion show. Nevertheless, I only formally involved myself on Monday. In that show, I will be a bee. I shall accompany another bee down the runway, and we will hold signs that say "BUZZ" and "OFF." A good idea, yes? I thought so. For clarification, the point of the show is to protest the rampant sexual harassment that takes place on Franklin during All Hallow's Eve.

That evening, I'm heading over to R's place to pregame, dressed as some lame excuse for a hippie. Will not wear deodorant/bra, but probably can't give up underwear (sorry!). He wants to invite some people, and I'm inviting E. There will be potables involved, and perhaps games to go with. At least I want to play games. Drinking is so boring without games. I think we will make a trip to Franklin around ten o'clock; at least, that is when R's ex is going to boot us out of the apartment. But that's okay. I'm sure we can find a way to amuse ourselves until midnight. Maybe I'll pick up a scary movie this afternoon. Also popcorn. Organic, Trader Joe's popcorn! Yay! Hahaha.

Okay, time to get ready to go to PoliSci. I have a peer review today. Joy.

P.S. Still no changes on the romance front. Beginning to think I'm made not to fall in love, or at any rate for people not to fall in love with me. Fuck it. A woman doesn't always need to be in a relationship.

I just wish I could have one, even were it a messy one, so I could give people justification for my inability to find another. I could always say I'd been messed about quite badly by my ex and, as a result, thrown into an anti-man phase... It would certainly ease the process of explaining myself.

Okay, so I've settled on my major at last. And I really mean it this time. After a conversation with a friend, who graduated recently and was himself an English major, in which he discouraged me from pursuing that path, I decided not to do it after all. Apparently, the English program at my university is very Euro-centric and obsessed with dead white men, which somehow does not appeal to me (esp. if I get stuck reading loads of Lawrence or Hardy or something comparably dreadful). I'm thinking instead that I would like to pursue what I had to begin with: Communications Studies as my principal, with a second major in Political Science. That way, I still have time to decide whether I want to study law after all, or if I want to shoot for the MS of Publishing at NYU. Either way, I think I'll be prepared.

It's a good thing I have this settled in my head now. I have a meeting with my advisor on Thursday, during which I intend to declare. So I kind of need to know what I'm declaring. Also, I have to register for classes on Saturday. BlaaagghhhH!!!

Damn. I have such a busy week ahead of me, besides that. There's a giant Econ exam on Friday, an essay due in French on Monday, an essay due in Modern Political Thought next Thursday, an event for Dinah on Wednesday night, and who knows what I'll get myself into this weekend? I had a pretty uneventful fall break, thank goodness. Went with the brother to see the well-plotted but over-imaginative Eagle Eye. Also went to Club Hell with R. and some other people on Sunday night. It was kind of dead, but at least they played decent music. My coat smells like cigarette butts now. Sigh.

And no, I didn't drink anything. I've been good.

I had a dream last night that I went to a bar run by, first strange thing, Matt Fox. I dreamt further that I was making eyes at him the whole time, which is not so unrealistic, since that man is fine. Then I worked up the courage, which would never happen in real life, to ask him if he was seeing anyone. His response? "Why, do you want a date?"

It was, in short, a nice dream. Completely unrealistic. But nice.


Gaaahhhhh, he is a foxy man. I wish I could find hot guys like that to date who weren't total idiots (at least I don't get the impression that he's a total idiot --you can't be, in order to realistically play an asshole like Jack). To be fair, I wouldn't mind a cute, freckled brunette like Evangeline.


Anyway. Last night, GLBTSA hosted a workshop on bisexuality; R's boyfriend oversaw it. I was pleased at the turnout, which fortified my confidence that there is in fact an audience for a Bi Forum. We talked about the wealth of labels one can apply to members of the LGBTQ community (the new one I learned was "gaysted," which evidently means that you become gay whilst intoxicated). We also discussed how to combat bias, how to define bisexuality, and other associated issues. The discussion was pretty good and, as I said, good turnout. I think the event went pretty well, and I ran into P. and A. afterward and played around. I adore them. I wish I were half as cool.

Oh! Speaking of cool people, I have super exciting news: my platonic soul-mate is coming down from her school this weekend. We plan to do fun things, although which things as yet remains amorphous. The important thing is that we'll get to hang out, which almost never happens. I also want to introduce her to my other awesome new friends, 'cause I think they'd get along really well. But I'll feel so uncool by comparison.

Okay, time to get ready. Luckily, my only class was canceled today, so I have plenty of time to plow through all of the work I've got to do --but that doesn't give me the right to slack off. I'm really going to do what's expected of me. Promise.

( cut for a brief, introspective moment )

Speaking of hanging out, I went over to R's place yesterday afternoon. He's babysitting his friend's snakes until her parents can come get them --because evidently no snakes are permitted in the dorm --and I got to play with them for awhile. The teeniest one, Nova, I fell in love with at once. She's a corn snake and totally harmless, and since she's still a baby, she's about ten inches long. She crawled all over my arm and up my sleeve (and tried to climb down my shirt, which made me think she had a lesbian snake crush on me). Playing with her and her pal, Nexus, made me really want a snake of my own. Yet another reason to move into an apartment, I guess.

Along with a posse of GLBTSA people, R, his boyfriend and I went to dinner last night, and then to see Religulous. The film was okay. I would say that it entertained me, but I thought the content wanted more focus and direction. It seemed like Maher lacked a thesis, except perhaps that "religion is bunk," and even that I'm not sure he addressed too well. He only talked about extremists and whack-jobs, not moderate believers. And of course if you only talk to the cannabis cultists, the Scientologists and the closet Islamists, religion is going to seem nutty.

My question is this: what about common laypersons? What about the people who, like agnostics, don't really know --but choose to hope rather than despair? They have to muddle through the confusing doctrines of their church to find the divine force with which they truly seek to commune. I wonder what keeps them from giving up, when there is so much to inspire doubt. I wonder what so attracts them. In short, I would be as interested to know about the psychology of liberal and moderate Christians as about the psychoses of extreme rightists. If you're going to make a film ostensibly about religion as a whole (at least that's how they advertised Maher's work), shouldn't you deal with all those aspects? I felt as if the movie was not-quite-complete.

I also took issue with its ending. The end was tacked on unceremoniously; it came out of nowhere and felt awkward in its gravity, since the rest of the movie exuded the sense of a cynical class clown shooting spitballs at pretentious administrators. The end was so bleak. And melodramatic, might I add. I dunno. It didn't fit. Still, the movie was interesting overall, and it amused me for the few hours I was in the theater. It certainly provided us with something to talk about afterwards. In the end, I wouldn't discourage people from seeing it and deciding for themselves what they think, but I didn't find it that amazing.

Whatever. I still have homework to do tonight, even though I've gotten a fair bit done so far today. I think I should go work on that so I'm not up late tonight. Ciao!

Well, it's nice to have the chance to spend a weekend alone in my room, notwithstanding the noisy sex my neighbor has been having (lucky her). Between the drama of last weekend and the emotional drain that I've experienced as a result, to say nothing of all of Wednesday's sketchiness, I need this time. Being alone will help me recharge. I'm just wondering why they (being the administration or whoever) feel it necessary to close the gym facilities all day on game days. For serious.

One, not everyone at this university gives a flying fart in space about football. Especially since our team sucks. I'm just saying.

Two, even if people do care about the games, they last all of two hours, and they're in the evening. Is it necessary to close the gym all day long?

Three, I can go for a run, I know --but doing so causes me excruciating pain just at the moment. For another thing, I don't exactly carry a yoga teacher in my pocket, and I wanted to go to the Saturday yoga class today. Now I can't.

In short, fuck you, administrators. Fuck you and your fucking football obsession. No one else cares.


Hahaha, wow, you can't tell I have a broken heart, can you? :P Oh, well. Such is life.


P.S. Who else watched the debates? Sarah Palin makes me smile, but Joe Biden makes me smile more. And in a less sarcastic way.